One of the most common pieces of advice you’ll hear about getting back together with someone you love is to take a step back and not contact your ex right away after a breakup. That advice can be frustrating because it’s extremely counterintuitive to your emotions.
Right after a breakup, there’s a lot of emotional energy that needs a place to go, and normally the first place people feel like directing that energy is to channel it toward desperately trying to “fix” things with their ex.
However, there’s a very good reason for channeling this energy elsewhere.
Nothing productive is likely to happen in a “break up” state of mind because your ex might be pretty closed off, hurt, involved in another relationship, or trying to deal with their own emotions in some way.
In order for most people to get back together, it takes a process of re-igniting some of that initial spark you experienced when you first got together or were both in a happier state of mind with each other.
You can sort of think of it as trying to go back to the “seduction” stage of your relationship.
Your ex is typically going to be more open to that when they feel like you’ve moved on and are not desperately trying to get them back. Desperation is not attractive, and you ultimately want to attract them back, not try and drag them reluctantly into the relationship.
So part of seducing your partner back, is to almost put yourself in more of a dating mode, rather than a fix-it state of mind. You’re trying to attract them in the way you might have done when you first met.
A key factor in being able to do that, is to work on regaining your confidence, but it’s important at first to not seem desperate by doing things like drunk dialing or becoming a texting maniac just to try and get their attention.